Icebox Cookies and Learning to Fail, by Cristyn.

 

 

We have been away forever! But life has settled a bit and we’re back to baking. Make some cookies!

As most of you know and have probably been experiencing (unless you have been living in Antarctica or a space station) IT’S PRETTY DAMN HOT OUT. As Lillian has previously mentioned, this makes baking a bit more difficult than I would like. I mean, I know I basically live in a concrete jungle, but there is a lake! However, even the alleged “lake breezes” that grace the city felt more like dragon’s breath or a hair dryer being blown in your face. My diet for the last few days has consisted of salads made and eaten out of 2 quart mixing bowls followed by a big bowl of homemade banana  “ice cream” (which if you have not ever tried making, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT. TRY IT AND MAKE IT OFTEN). But I have recently started a new job and wanted to spread some baking cheer to my new coworkers (and okay, maybe show off my vegan baking skills and convince everyone to like me). SO. I had a recipe for some Grapefruit Icebox Cookies that I had been meaning to try and thought this weather would be the perfect time to give it a shot! Here’s the thing: when I read “icebox cookies” I took it to mean that these cookies were formed and then set/firmed up in the refrigerator or freezer. As in, I assumed there was no baking involved at all. THIS WAS FALSE. And this false assumption was the beginning of the FAIL that would become this cookie making endeavor. Yet! This post is not all doom and gloom! You see, while I was faced with failure after failure during the course of these cookies coming to fruition (we will get to the details in a due time), with a bit of ingenuity and good old-fashioned rollin’ with the punches, the cookies eventually turned out just fine much to my delight and that of my grateful coworkers (maybe I can call them friends now?!). I guess the moral of the story is: sometimes perceived failures still work out in the end. You don’t have to scrap a whole project or recipe just because you bought white grapefruit instead of the prettier and sweeter ruby red version. (This mistake becomes egregious when I reveal that my new job is actually at a Whole Foods where I ring up produce all day. I SHOULD KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THESE GRAPEFRUITS. AND THERE ARE SIGNS DAMMIT.) Despite my initial shoulder-slumping disappointment upon cutting open the fruit to reveal a humdrum, dull yellow pulp, I persevered with the recipe. I mean, a grapefruit is a grapefruit, right?

THEN came head shaking disappointment #2. I did not have enough grapefruit zest because even though the recipe suggested grabbing two grapefruits, I only got one and then after juicing half of it I immediately tossed it in the garbage, without zesting it at all. That’s half a grapefruit that could have been zested gone to waste. And while under normal circumstances I would have considered just plucking it out of the trash, rinsing it off, and pretending that never happened…this particular trash can also visibly contained the morning’s coffee grounds and Mr. Owl’s litter box scoopings. I did not want to add this combination of flavors and toxoplasmosis to my cookies.

THEN came huge sigh #3. I did not have enough grapefruit juice for the topping glaze because I did not read far enough ahead in the recipe and after adding the juice from half a grapefruit to the cookie batter, I thought, “I don’t want this other half to go to waste, I better just eat it.” So I did. Then I read the recipe for the glaze which called for another 4 tablespoons of juice and thought, “You dolt.” ANYWAYS. My point is, that even after all these hiccups, I found some lemons in my fridge and made those Grapefruit Icebox Cookies into delicious Citrus Icebox Cookies. So I guess I am trying to say two things. 1) Even though we have been conditioned to think that failure is an unacceptable, worst case scenario, I think it is okay to fail at somethings sometimes. 2) Even more importantly, some so-called failures really don’t belong on FAIL blogs. They just require a little finagling of semantics and self-acceptance.

Now. Without further ado here is the recipe. Feel free to adapt it in any way you see fit to avoid your own failure.

Ingredients for Cookies (I didn’t draw the ingredients because I really didn’t feel like it. Sorry.)

1/2 cup Earth Balance

1/4 cup vegetable shortening

1/2 cup sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/4 cup fresh grapefruit juice

1 tablespoon grapefruit zest

1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon corn starch

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

Ingredients for Glaze

2 cup powdered sugar

3 to 4 tablespoons grapefruit juice

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 tablespoons red grapefruit zest (or lemon. or lime. or orange. or anything.) for sprinkling

Cream together the Earth Balance and the shortening. Beat in the sugar. I recommend using a mixer for this, unless you also want to kill two birds with one stone and knock out your arm workout for the day. Mix in the rest of the ingredients to form a soft dough. I mean soft, like you think maybe you forgot to add a cup of flour or something. You (probably) didn’t forget. The dough is just soft. Plop it out onto a sheet of parchment paper. You want to try and plop it into a long “log” rather than a round blob. This will help as you roll it up in the parchment to chill it. Roll the parchment around the dough and refine the form of the log a little. Maybe make it a little more rectangular than circular. Then maybe your cookies will look a little more oblong. If you want round cookies, by all means, make your dough log (sorry, that sounds gross) cylindrical. Twist up the ends of the parchment. It should look like a big tootsie roll. Pop this puppy into the refrigerator for at least 2 hours. (Or maybe the freezer for like 30 minutes if you are really impatient.)

Once the dough is chilled, preheat your oven to 350° F, line a baking sheet with more parchment paper, and unroll your dough from its wrapper. Slice the dough into 1/4 inch discs and place on the baking sheet. Be warned!! They will spread out quite a bit as they bake. Leave lots of space between the cookies. Bake about 15 minutes, until the edges start to brown. The cookies will seem really delicate when they come out of the oven. Just let them cool on the sheet for a few minutes and then carefully remove them with a spatula and let them cool on a wire rack. (I generally find spatulas superfluous. If you do it just right, you can just ever so slightly twist a cookie and get it off the sheet without dirtying another utensil. HOWEVER. In this case, I highly recommend a spatula unless you want to be eating cookie crumbs.)

While the cookies are baking you can make the glaze. Just whisk together all the ingredients, except the zest for sprinkling, in a small bowl. It should fall in ribbons, not clumps or drips. Once the cookies are cooled, drizzle the glaze on top of the cookies and drop a few shreds of zest on top. Voila! The glaze should set up and not be sticky in like an hour or so. Or you can just keep them in the fridge. Or just eat them all in one sitting. I mean if you persevered through all the near failures that I did, you probably deserve them!

I LOVE AMERICA, By Cristyn.

Photo compliments of beach day spent with DW super fan Renee. Thanks girl!

I think it should be abundantly clear from my previous posts that I FREAKING LOVE SUMMER [see post: Vegan Lemon Barz]. Do you know what else I love? AMERICA. And so in honor of the Great American Memorial Day Three-Day Weekend, I present to you a vegan, All-American Buckle. What is a buckle you ask? A delicious cobbler/crumble/pie/cake treat that might just be as old as America itself. It was probably/maybe invented by some of the first colonists, who were pretty good at adapting English recipes to their new homeland. This is one thing I love about Americans…WE ARE RESOURCEFUL. And I mean, while some of our inventions might seem a bit superfluous and extravagant, and some may even contribute to the stereotype of Americans as lazy, obese wastes of space, like the LiquiGlide condiment bottle lubricant and the fashion abomination that is the Skechers Shape-Ups; there are also some examples of American ingenuity and practicality, like:

• Smoke Detectors
• Doggles
• Crash Test Dummies (Not the band—they’re Canadian).
• Jeans
• Paper Clips

So I wanted to celebrate this great nation that I love the best way that I know how…with treats. And what looks more American than some dessert covered in raspberries, strawberries, and blueberries, and topped with ice cream??

(Okay, maybe like apple pie or something. But I am trying to step outside the box here). Now, while this buckle could be made with virtually any type of fruit, unless you are a communist or hate America, I recommend sticking with red and blue hued ones. (This recipe is adapted from the Summer Fruit Buckle Cake in Vegan Pie in the Sky).

To make America, you will need!!

3/4 C Sliced almonds, ground into a coarse meal

1 1/2 C Flour

2 tsp Baking Powder

1/2 tsp Baking Soda

1/2 tsp Salt

1/4 tsp Cinnamon

1/4 tsp Cardamom (I recommend leaving this out, as I maintain that Cardamom is the Devil’s spice, and will ruin any otherwise perfectly delectable treat. Sorry if you disagree, this is just how I feel.)

1 C Non-Dairy Milk

2 tsp Apple Cider Vinegar

2/3 C Sugar

1/4 C Canola Oil

1 1/2 tsp Vanilla Extract

1/2 tsp Almond Extract

1 lb Fresh Fruit (By God, it better be red and blue.)

Now the recipe also calls for a streusel-like topping made of cinnamon and sugar. You might want to add this…or you might completely forget about it because you didn’t read the recipe through all the way because you are soooo excited to toss this guy in the oven and get it baking. Either way, things will be fine, and it will be delicious. (If you want the added excellence of more cinnamon and sugar, also have at the helm an additional tablespoon of sugar mixed with another 1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon).

Preheat the old oven to 350°F. Line a 9″ cake pan (or a 9.5″ pie pan if you, like me, do not own such extravagant baking dishes) with parchment paper and grease with oil. Then, mix the milk with the vinegar and leave it for a few minutes to curdle. This is not gross, we are just making vegan buttermilk. Get over it. While this is happening, chop up any fruit that needs chopping and mix the dry ingredients together (for reasons I never fully understood, sugar does not count as a “dry ingredient.” It is always added in with the wet ingredients when recipes call for mixing the two categories separately. This does not make sense to me. Sugar is clearly dry. I digress). Add the rest of the wet ingredients (including the sugar, WTF) to the buttermilk mixture.

Add the wet ingredients to the dry and stir until just mixed. Your batter will still be lumpy. Pour the batter into the baking dish of your choosing. Dump the fruit on top of the batter (or as the recipe recommends, carefully place the fruit in a spiral formation… BUT SRSLY? WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT. I WANT TO EAT THIS NOW, DAMMIT. Unless you are realllllly trying to impress someone, spiral formations just waste time in my opinion). If you had the foresight to prepare some topping, sprinkle that on top too. If you didn’t, oh well!

What’s that in the background? Just a delicious lime-raspberry mocktail, NBD.

Bake the buckle for 50ish minutes… I KNOW. This seems like a long time to wait. And it is. But maybe you can entertain yourself by watching Wet, Hot American Summer (featuring an all-star comedic cast, this happens to be one of my all-time favorite summer movies). About half way through the movie, check on the buckle. You could do a knife test and see if the knife comes out clean…or you could just sort of jiggle it and make sure it appears semi-fully cooked. I did a sort of combo; the knife definitely didn’t come out clean, but the cake didn’t appear RAW. Perhaps a bit undercooked, but I didn’t feel like waiting any longer and I mean, it’s vegan, so it’s not like I am going to get salmonella or anything. Now you could wait for it to cool for 20 minutes, flip it onto a plate, peel off the parchment paper, let it cool a bit more, and flip it over AGAIN onto ANOTHER plate… I mean if you have the patience to do this, KUDOS!!! If all you can think about is HOWMPFing (I believe this is the noise I make when I rapidly ingest delicious treats) this as quickly as possible, you could just give it five or so minutes and then slice it like a pie/scoop it like a cobbler. Add some ice cream and quickly get back to the movie. You should make it back in time to see Molly Shannon receive marriage advice from the 9 year olds in her craft class.

Now off with you!! Go celebrate your day off!!!* Go to the beach! Go to a barbeque! Go to a pool! Make a treat! Ride a bike! Watch a movie! BY GOD, JUST TREAT YOURSELF!

*Sorry if you are not American and must work this day…you can still enjoy your buckle and all things red, white, and blue.

Bagels and How to Take Control While Taking It Easy, by Cristyn.

Please note that this is my favorite mug. My family had several Russian Blue cats as I was growing up. They were all named Zane.

I would specify that these are vegan bagels (which they are) but I am pretty sure that all bagels are. Imagine my shock when I found out that even the EGG bagels at my old place of employment were vegan. (Turns out they just used some turmeric to color the dough egg yolk yellow. Now, don’t extrapolate this and start thinking that there is no such thing as a real egg bagel. I am sure there is. And I am sure there are in fact other bagels that are not inherently vegan. I am just saying, most probably are. These definitely are).

Bagels happen to be one of my favorite foods. Back in the day when I was slinging coffee in Ann Arbor for a living, I used to eat at least 2 bagels a shift. Now, my Ann Arbor heyday has reached mythic proportions, at least in my head. I recently decided that it was during those 4 years, that my life reached its pinnacle. I had a job that allowed me to have ample amounts of fun, and yes, sometimes show up to work at 6 am still drunk from the night before. But I still managed to pay the bills. I lived with my best friends (as opposed to alone). I knew people in town, and they knew me. I was a somebody. People recognized me as “coffee shop girl.” It has been all down hill from there. Or so I had let myself think.

I recently realized this was not necessarily the case. I HAVE CONTROL OVER MY OWN LIFE AND I CAN STILL HAVE UNRELENTING FUN, DAMMIT. It may have taken a horrible interview that I may or may not have walked out of to teach me this lesson, but I think it was worth it. Hey, I didn’t want the job anyways. In fact, standing up during said interview and saying, “This isn’t going to work for me,” was perhaps the most empowering moment of my life. I realized, I DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING I DO NOT WANT TO DO. Turning 26 (which happens for me in the next few days* Edited to add: A few days ago—I’m v. late posting this, from Lillian) does not have to mean the end of my carefree youth. Sure, it would be nice to have a job, and it might even be nice to have a job that is in some way, shape, or form related to my degree(s). But stressing about all this is not going to change anything….besides my stress levels and the number of times my left eye twitches each day. So you know what I am going to do? I am going to take it easy. Maybe I don’t want to get a job related to my degree(s). Maybe I want to open a bakery, or maybe I want to live out of a van and climb rocks for a few years. AND I CAN DO THAT. BECAUSE I AM IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE.

So, in the wake of my graduation (again) and my newfound unemployment, I decided to rise and shine earlier than I needed to, and tackle a baking project I have been meaning to try for awhile. BAGELS. I always thought bagels were a difficult breed of baked good. There was rising and rolling and boiling and baking involved. This seemed like a lot of steps. BUT. I was still riding my TAKE CONTROL high, and figured, I CAN DO ANYTHING. And do you know what? THEY WERE NOT THAT HARD TO MAKE. Which really just proved the point I have been trying to make this whole time: take control of your life, do what you want to do. Don’t do what you don’t want to do. Take it easy. And everything else will fall into place. I guess I am just be a big believer in the whole things-will-work-out-in-the-end scenario, but I feel like I am kind of living proof that they will! So when life gives you anxiety and debilitating self-doubt regarding your uncertain future, do what I do, and make bagels.

BAGELS. PLAIN AND SIMPLE.
Adapted from Vegan Brunch

1 TBL Sugar

1 Package Dry Active Yeast

1.5 C. Warm Water

4 C. All Purpose Flour

2 TBL Vital Wheat Gluten (I have no idea why this recipe called for this. I can guarantee you that 99% of bagels out there do not contain VWG. But I couldn’t figure out what this would be replacing, so I stuck with it. The best I can figure is that it just makes them a bit chewier).

2 tsp Salt

Toppings (I used poppy seeds, sesame seeds, and nutritional yeast).

You know what a good song to listen to while making these would be? Take It Easy, by the Eagles/Jackson Browne. I think I actually was trancing out (in a non-drug-related fashion) to Shpongle, which I also recommend. Now let’s get started. We have to proof the yeast, to make sure that your little bagels will rise (lest ye be left with hard little tack biscuits). So dissolve the sugar in the warm water and sprinkle in the yeast. Stir it a few times and let the yeast go to town. Leave it for 5ish minutes and mix together all the dry ingredients in another bowl. When you come back, the yeast should be having a party and foaming around like it’s their job (which to be clear, it is).

Pretty boring so far, eh?

Add the wet to the dry and mix it up. After getting the wet semi-incorporated, you are probably going to have to dump out the mixture and start kneading it by hand (unless you are fancy and have a stand mixer or something that has a dough hook attachment). When you start kneading, the dough will feel kind of pebbly? I don’t know how else to describe it. It feels like there are little beans or pebbles under the surface of the dough. Knead it until those pebbles are gone. This will probably took less than 10 minutes, or until you just start to break a sweat. (To be fair, I might have started sweating a bit prematurely since it is unseasonably warm in Chicago right now, and since I have to stand on my tip toes to make my counter kneading-level). You should now have a smooth, elastic, slightly tacky ball of dough. Place said dough ball into a bowl and coat it LIGHTLY in some sort of oil. (I used olive). Let it rise, covered, for about an hour.

Now. Time to roll and boil those babies. (Sorry that sounds way more violent than intended). Divide your dough into 12 even sections. Roll each into a ball, then pinch a hole in the middle. Stick your finger through the hole and twirl the bagel around your finger, kind of like a hula hoop, to stretch the hole out a bit. This is more fun than you can imagine.

Place the shaped bagels onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Cover your bagels and let them rise for a few minutes. Probably like 10. (If you don’t do this step, your bagels are still totally edible. They will just be sort of mini and a little denser). While you are waiting for them to rise a bit again, you can preheat your oven to 425°F and put a large pot of salted water on to boil.  When the water is boiling, reduce it to a simmer. Add a bagel or two or three, depending on the size of your pot. You don’t want them to be crowded. The bagel should float right back up to the surface. Let it simmer for one minute on each side. Remove from the water and place back on the baking sheet. Add any toppings you wish. When all the bagels have been boiled, pop the tray in the oven for about 20 minutes.

While the bagels are baking, maybe you want to make some flavored cream cheese? I made sun-dried tomato and scallion cream cheese by mixing some rehydrated tomatoes and chopped up scallions into Trader Joe’s This is Not a Tub of Cream Cheese. When the bagels are golden brown, pull them out of the oven. Now… the recipe says to let them cool for about 30 minutes. This was literally the hardest part of the recipe. I mean they were RIGHT THERE.

But I was scared that this 30 minutes was an essential part of the cooking process. I mean, it is such a specific number. It did not say “wait til they cool,” or “allow to rest a few minutes.” It said “LEAVE THEM ALONE FOR A FULL 30 MINUTES.” (I paraphrased). So I managed to wait a good 23 minutes before slicing them open and slathering them in cream cheese. You know why I didn’t wait the full 30 minutes? BECAUSE I AM IN CHARGE. So I made an executive decision; sure I might have had to live with the consequences of eating under/improperly cooked bagels, but it was my bagel, my choice. And you know what? It was fine. So take back control of your life and your breakfast baked goods—make some bagels, or don’t, it’s your decision!

All Dried Up, by Cristyn.

While that title can be interpreted in so many directions (water content in any number of things, emotional state, weather, inappropriate innuendos, etc.) I am really just trying to say that I learned how to dehydrate food. You see, while we may have been absent from the interwebs for the last week (or two…) we have been busy! I swear! Even with a little baking! Okay, a LOT of baking. Like, last week, I made nine dozen cookies for a big camping/climbing trip. Let me repeat that. NINE DOZEN COOKIES. That is 108 individual treats in three different varieties. Do you want to know how long it took us to consume said treats? About 40 hours. Now, while I could regale you with the recipes for these cookies, or about how much of a disaster my kitchen was for about a week, or I could bore you with the details of how amazing the trip was (PRETTY DAMN AMAZING. One might even call it life changing? In fact it pains me to think about the fact that it is now over)… instead, I am going to talk about that new dehydrator I got. I know that it is not baking, but it was a bit of a game changer for me.

It all started with the Clymb… their amazing cursed sales get me on a semi-regular basis. So when I saw this half off gem entitled Another Fork in the Trail: Vegetarian and Vegan Recipes for the Backcountry, I had to get it. Imagine my surprise when I opened it up and realized that without a dehydrator, I could make maybe 10% of the recipes in it… BUMMER. I toyed with the idea of creating my own contraption á la Alton Brown via a box fan and some air filters, but this seemed unappetizing and like an inordinate amount of work. I also considered just using my oven at a very low temperature…then quickly realized that leaving a gas oven on at a barely perceptible temperature for 10+ hours was a potentially hazardous situation for myself and Mr. Owl. So, I broke down and purchased an electric dehydrator. Then it immediately became my mission to get as much use as possible out of it. GOOD THING WE HAD A TRIP TO PARADISE PLANNED.

So, you might ask, what does one need to make delicious camping/vegan friendly meals? Oh… just a few things.

If this looks overwhelming, it is because it was. I spent 2 days in the kitchen… Okay, not two FULL days, but at least 12 intermittent hours total. It was like a factory in there. In fact, if it weren’t for that pesky little thing called Health Code, I would consider turning my kitchen into a full fledged bakery. Turns out cat hair in your kitchen is frowned upon by the Chicago Sanitation Board. Talk about a real bummer.

Now the basic premise of dehydrating food is as follows:

1. Make the meal like normal. (We had Chana Masala, Couscous and Mixed Veggies, and Roasted Red Pepper Hummus).
2. Let it cool.
3. Spread it out on the dehydrator trays.
4. Turn on the dehydrator/glorified fan.
5. Wait.
6. Wait.
7. Wait.
8. When it is dry, crumble it up and put it in a bag.
9. Rehydrate.
10. Nom.

As you may have noticed, there is a lot of waiting involved in dehydrating. But because we are talking like a good 12 hours, you are free to DO things. And it doesn’t really matter if you forget about the fact that you left it on and don’t remember for like a full 18 hours. (Like I may or may not have done). I mean, it can only get so dry. And once you package it, you can store it in a cool, dry place for MONTHS. So, if you are worried about the coming apocalypse, you might want to start making some meals. Or you could just cook all weekend once a month and make food for like a full 30 days. Or you could just do this when you are camping/backpacking to lighten your load. Or you don’t have to ever dehydrate anything at all. I just thought I would let you know what we have been up to.

Now, so I don’t leave you COMPLETELY in the lurch, here is one of the cookies I made (these made up the bulk of the 9 doz).

MEXICAN HOT CHOCOLATE SNICKERDOODLES

1/2 C. Canola Oil

1 C. Sugar (plus 1/3 C. for rolling/topping)

1/4 C. Maple Syrup

3 Tbl Soy Milk

2 tsp Vanilla

1 2/3 C. Flour

1/2 C. Cocoa Powder

1 tsp Baking Soda

1/2 tsp Cinnamon (plus 1 tsp for rolling/topping)

1/2 tsp Cayenne Pepper

Pinch of Salt

This is what a double batch of these babies looks like...MASSIVE.

Set your oven to 350 °F. Mix the cinnamon and sugar for the topping on a plate and set aside. Mix all the liquid ingredients together. Add the dry ingredients and stir. Grab a tablespoon of dough, roll it into a ball and then roll it in the cinnamon/sugar mixture. Flatten the ball on a greased cookie sheet. Repeat. Bake for about 10 minutes. Eat in large quantities. I’ve always heard that spicy foods increase your metabolism… and these cookies have a nice spicy kick to them…so you can probably eat like 5 dozen and not feel guilty.

EAT LIKE A CLIMBER! (Or How to Make Vegan Lime Coconut Cake), by Cristyn.

Hello loyal readers! I continue on my fruit-themed-dessert-kick with a wonderful lime coconut cake. After not baking for nigh on a week (zomg, I KNOW), this cake was just the ticket to get me back in the swing of things in the ol’ kitchen. It was super easy (especially when you can convince your comrade in arms—this means Lillian—to juice and zest your limes for you), super quick, and super delicious.

I write to you after a refreshing weekend back in the old mitten. That means Michigan. You might know that if you ever met anyone from Michigan and asked where they were from, only to have them shove their right hand in your face.  (If anyone is curious, I come from the first knuckle region of the thumb).

Now. While my father’s house has every baking accoutrement I could ever want, it is sadly lacking in the vegan pantry. Ergo, hiatus from baking. ANYWAY(Z). While relaxing in the suburbs I realized some things:

1. It is a good thing I do not have cable in my apartment. (I was sucked into marathons of Deadliest Catch, Criminal Minds, Love It or Li$t It, AND House Hunters. It’s a miracle I ever left the couch).
2. I should never be allowed to have an iPad. (Those free apps are addicting. I found myself in a technology loop of TV-iPad-laptop-phone).
3. I should not live in a city without Lillian. (Now I will shamelessly ask for a job. Can anyone get me a job in Salt Lake City? Graphic design would be ideal. Kthx).
4. I need to step up my climbing game. (I have been climbing like real horse dung lately. I think it mayyyy be because my new shoes are about 2 sizes too small, but I figured, hey if I can cram my foot in there, it’s all good! Yes, I just used the phrase “it’s all good.” Turns out it is not good, when your shoes make you want to cry, rather than climb, it is all bad).

This is what I came home to. Despite being left in Lillian's expert care, I think Mr. Owl missed me.

SO. Now that I am back in Chicago, sans TV, sans iPad, et avec Lillian, I can focus on realization number 4—CLIMBING BETTER. So without (too much) further ado, I bring you a recipe, inspired by Steph Davis’ post on Lemon or Lime Cake. Let me just say, Ms. Davis is pretty much my idol. She is a sick climber; like, she was the second woman ever to free climb El Cap in one day. She also BASE jumps and has a wingsuit, which I don’t think I could ever get down with…  but hey, it is still pretty bad ass. OH DID I MENTION SHE’S A VEGAN?! I figured if I want to be a better climber I need to walk the walk, talk the talk, and …eat the eat? You know what I mean. Aside from deluding myself into believing that this cake will make me a better climber, it was pretty darn tasty. Being the adventurous gal that I am, I went ahead and made a few adjustments to her recipe. Namely, the addition of coconut, which I believe makes everything taste better.

Now, here’s what I used:

1 1/2 C. flour + 1 tsp flour (I omitted some xanthan gum, and had to add the tsp of flour to keep the proper dry ratio)

1 tsp. baking soda

3 Tbl. lime juice (Lil used a mere 2 limes to get this, and then some).

Zest from the limes you juiced

1/2 C. agave nectar

5 Tbl. canola oil

1 tsp. apple cider vinegar

1 tsp. vanilla

1/4 C. coconut milk

2 handfuls of shredded coconut

Preheat your oven to our best friend 350°F. Grease a 9×9″ pan, a bread pan, or make some cupcakes. The cake is not picky. Now mix all those ingredients together. You will have better luck and get a smoother batter if you mix the wet ingredients together first. That agave is a tricky devil to incorporate otherwise. And, the liquids looked just gorgeous sitting in their bowl! That white coconut milk!!! That green lime juice!! Just look at it! (Sorry to go all hippie dippy, I love everything on you. But Lillian can testify, I kept saying “LOOK AT IT! SO PRETTY!”).

This photo does not do it justice.

So mix the wet into the dry. It will still look pretty. You can see the little lime zest flecks! Fold the shredded coconut into the batter. Now pop it in the preheated oven in your predetermined vessel. The cake now wants to be baked until it is a beautiful golden brown on top. You can also do the classic knife/toothpick test; make sure it comes out clean. I made mine in a loaf pan, and I think I ended up baking it for about 30 minutes. The hardest part of this recipe was waiting for it to cool enough for me to shove it in my face. I did not wait long enough, and burned my tongue/did one of these maneuvers (go to 1:30 seconds). Steph also posts a recipe for a glaze/icing to go on top of the cake. While I am sure this would add to its deliciousness, at 11pm, I could not be bothered with the frivolity of a topping. So I ate mine naked (the cake, not me) and was not disappointed. Also, I really think the flavor of this cake got better after a day or so. It maintained its moist (I THAT WORD) and sort of dense consistency. Lil’s recommendation : EAT THIS WITH ICE CREAM.

NOTE: THIS CAKE TOTALLY MADE ME A BETTER CLIMBER.

SAVE-THE-WORLD GRANOLA, by Bethany.

Dear God. Wouldja look at that magestic sonofabitch?

Amigos. How wonderful to see you all again. YOU ARE EXQUISITE!

You may have noticed that it’s been a lil’ bit since last I contributed to Dillywheats. (Actually, probably nobody noticed, but I like to pretend that people read this blog other than my parents). The reason for my absence? I was tra-la-la-ing through the most remote of Costa Rica’s jungles with two friends. We forded crocodile-and-shark-infested tidal rivers, hiked for hours through thick rainforest, got really sweaty and ate nothing but dehydrated soup mix for 4 straight days. Nothing like hot, salty soup to perk you up in the middle of the rainforest.

This is what tra-la-laing looks like in Costa Rica.

In retrospect, some PB&J might have been a welcome way to mix it up. By the second day of camping, our little Swiss Family Robinson’s topics of conversation had turned almost exclusively to food—particularly, what kinds of food we were going to indulge in upon returning to civilization. Pasta, ice cream, beer, fruit salads and sushi all made the list. If we’d had an empty pizza box with us, we probably would have named him Wilson and talked to him regularly throughout the trip.

I should also mention that I’ve been reading Mountains Beyond Mountains, the biography of Dr. Paul Farmer, who has essentially revamped the public health program in all of Haiti as well as TB treatment in Peru, Russia, Chiapas and Honduras. This demi-god is everything I strive to be as an international non-profit employee. The combined circumstances of hippie backpacking, hunger, and an ongoing infantile desire to emulate people who are saving the world created a perfect storm in Bethany’s Brain Station. My mission was clear.

I needed to make crunchy, energy-rich granola. And not just any granola: Save-The-World Granola. The most powerful, idealistic and inspirational granola of all. The kind of granola that fuels one’s desire to Robin Hood your way through the international fundraising scene, doggedly chasing down donations from oil barons (whom I envision as the black ooze character from Fern Gully played by Tim Curry) and turning those funds over to the Tiny Tims and sea turtles of this world. This granola I wished to make would be glorious and powerful and always in the service of the Rebel Alliance in their epic struggle against the Republic, warming the bellies of Jedi knights as they battle valiantly on the ice planet of Hoth. By Gandhi’s diaper, I swear to you that this granola will help you do all this and more. Particularly when topped with plain yogurt.

The brilliant thing about granola (aside from its deliciousness and overall association with idealistic unconventional nerds the world round) is that you kind of get to make it up as you go along. Seriously—it’s hard to mess up. The one thing you have to avoid is burning it. The ingredients listed below are what I used, and just suggestions. So long as you keep the proportions somewhat similar, you’ll still be happy with the result.

I have a problem with putting everything into pretty mason jars…

4 cups oats

1 cup small seeds (I used a combo of sesame, sunflower, and flax)

1 cup larger chopped nuts (I used a combo of walnuts and peanuts)

1 cup shredded coconut

1 tsp vanilla extract

a few dashes of cinnamon (optional)

¼ cup vegetable oil

2/3 cup honey, cane syrup, maple syrup, or other thick sweetener (you can mix 2/3 cup brown sugar with 2-3 tablespoons of warm water if you lack any of the aforementioned sweet gooey substances).

1 cup dried fruit (I used raisins and Craisins)

Oatmeal pre-magification. Soon this will be a vehicle for all of the honey and delicious goodies you have selected for your granola.

Preheat your oven to 350°F and line a cookie sheet or roasting pan with parchment paper. (I echo Lillian’s love of parchment paper. The day I discovered that was monumental in my brief life.) Mingle your oats, seeds, nuts, coconut, and cinnamon all together in a large mixing bowl. Then add in the vanilla, oil and honey and give ‘er a few turns with the ol’ wooden shpoon. The end mixture should be shiny and somewhat sticky, but not overly clumpy.

That’s right. Start to salivate.

Put it all in the lined cookie sheet and pop ‘er in the oven for about 10 minutes. Then pull it out, mix the granola around so that it gets evenly toasted, and throw it back in for another 10 minutes. Try not to cry when you have to close the oven door again and continue waiting. When those 10 minutes are up, pull the granola out and either mix it up and put it back in for another 5 minutes, or if the granola is sufficiently toasted to your liking, then just let it cool. (Let’s be real, you’re going to stuff hot granola in your pie-hole. We all do it. Just try not to cry when you eat a piping hot peanut. They’re like molten lava rocks.) Once the granola is cool, add in the dried fruit and refrigerate until you’re ready to mow.

Once you’ve breakfasted on this fine Save-The-World Granola, get out there and do some Captain Planeting. No excuses! Unless of course you get to work and you’re out of post-its, or your office mate won’t stop playing Party Rock, or you make the mistake of logging onto Pinterest. Then you’re forgiven. That shit’s like kryptonite to us all.

I rest my case.

Vegan Raspberry Clafoutis and Irish Cream, by Cristyn.

Cla-what!? You might ask. Clafoutis. Say it with me “klah-foo-tee.” Vegan raspberry clafoutis to be exact. Try saying it a few dozen times. It has a pleasant ring to it and is pretty fun to say. You might even find yourself making up a little song or chant. It is a strange word. Do you want to know why? Because it is not English, it is French. Yes my friends, we are going to hop across the big old Atlantic Ocean for this post and invade the art of French pastry…vegan style. But do not be intimidated!! This recipe, while still being absolutely phenomenal, is not nearly as labor intensive as it is to make say pain au chocolat or creme brulee. On the contrary, this was perhaps the easiest baked dessert I have ever made. Literally. There are fewer ingredients than you have fingers (assuming you have the standard set of 10), it is super cheap, and it requires a measly two vessels (a blender and a pie pan) which means only two dishes to wash!! This is great news for me since my hatred of washing dishes mirrors my love of cooking and baking in magnitude. I am constantly plagued with internal debate: will the satisfaction of the {insert food I am about to make here} be worth the {insert number greater than 3} dishes I will have to wash after?? Sometimes, I throw caution to the wind and start cooking/baking without weighing the aforementioned pros/cons. When this happens, my sink looks like this….

…sometimes for days. I know, I have first world problems. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.  So. What is clafoutis you might ask? Why should you want to make it? And when are we going to get to the recipe? Clafoutis is a baked custard/cake/”country-dessert” filled with fruit that originated in the rural Limousin region of south-central France. The word clafoutis comes from the word clafir, which in the Limousin dialect of Occitan means “to fill up.” Get it? Because we are filling up the batter with the fruit! Traditionally, the Limousins would use cherries with the pits still in place, because the pits as they bake release an almondy flavor. Fascinating, you say!? I know! But since I couldn’t find cherries (fresh, frozen, or canned!) I went with some raspberries and it still turned out pretty darn good. Now to answer the second question. You should make this recipe because it is simple, delicious, and not too sweet. It is also very versatile. You can use whatever kind of fruit you want in it. And hey, it is kind of healthy??? Like there is no oil or butter in it, so maybe you could even serve it for breakfast?! I was first introduced to the magical clafoutis by my dear aunt Lisa probably nigh on a decade ago now. I still remember that first bite… the texture was somewhat otherworldly. It has a light flavor and delicate consistency that leaves your tastebuds blissful and content. Picture them with a self-satisfied smile, rocking back and forth in a hammock being blown gently by the wind. THAT degree of contentment.

NOW. For the love of God, when are we getting to that recipe!? Right after I go on a little belated tangent about homemade Irish Cream and St. Patrick’s Day. So, to the impatient (or disinterested) reader, please skip ahead. The recipe lies just after the ingredient drawing. As for the rest of us, FORGE ON!! Because the clafoutis is so lightin flavor, I thought I might be able to pair it with another sweet treat, of the drinkable variety. Now, I know this is not a BAKING recipe, but it goes quite well WITH baked goods… sooooo if you are interested, here is an unholy creation that will not leave you disappointed: homemade vegan “Bailey’s” Irish cream. I have a confession. The entire reason I chose to make clafoutis was so that I could make the Irish cream, and have something to eat while I was sipping on it. I know that this would have perhaps been more apropos a few weeks ago, say on March 17th. BUT LET ME TELL YOU. St. Patrick’s Day in Chicago is kind of miserable if you are not one of the drunken zombies staggering down the  middle of the street, bar hopping from one green beer laden den of sin to the next. I tried to venture out. I did. But I was barraged by this nagging feeling that I had entered a parallel universe (maybe I have been watching too much Fringe as of late) where it was socially acceptable to heckle , fist bump, and hit on innocent passers-by. IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. So I locked my doors, and shuttered my windows and forgot that dear old St. Patrick had ever existed (sorry). But now that I have had time to recover… I realized that I missed out on this great opportunity to make this sweet, creamy, boozey drink. So I righted this wrong. NOW ONTO THE RECIPE FOR REALZ!!

I followed this recipe from nom!nom!nom! blog, substituting frozen raspberries for the cherries:

Drawing:  ingredients

1/2 Package of vacuum sealed tofu (I used Mori-Nu Soft Tofu)

1/3 C. sugar

1/2 C. AP flour

1 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp salt

1 C. (non-dairy) milk

1 tsp vanilla

Berries! Or cherries! Or any kind of fruit!

Preheat your oven to 425°F. Grease a 9″ pie pan. Now get out your blender. Hopefully you have a blender? Or a food processor? Or a mixer? Or a really strong arm? Blend, whiz, mix, stir, etc. the tofu and the sugar until well combined. {Now I know what you are thinking. Tofu??? GROSS. I too am skeptical of adding fermented soy beans to my desserts. I can’t stand tofu cheesecake; it just tastes like…well, tofu. But by Jove, in this recipe, Mr. Tofu worked beautifully}. Add the flour, baking powder, salt, milk, and vanilla. Mix it up. Really well. Pour it into your pie pan. Drop your fruit on top.

This is raw clafoutis.

THAT’S IT. Put it in the oven for 15 minutes. Then lower the temperature to 350ºF and continue to bake for another 25 minutes. See how short this post could have been if I hadn’t ranted for first two-thirds of it?

When you take it out, it will be all puffy and pompous like a cake. As it cools, it will slowly deflate leaving it to look a bit more like a pie, with a raised edge/crust.

Mine came out a bit undercooked; I attribute this to my oven which has a mind of its own. I often picture my battles with it in terms of Kevin McAllister from Home Alone and the furnace. Anyways, my point is, even though I undercooked my clafoutis, it still came out remarkably delicious. As in I sort of ate half of it within a few hours of pulling it out of the oven. You know what made it even better? A side of FROZEN Bailey’s. That’s right. I put some of my Irish Cream concoction in the freezer and let it freeze. Then I put it in my blender with some of the liquid version. Then I drank it. You’re welcome for that gem.

This is baked clafoutis. Looks kind of the same, eh?

Vegan Lemon Barz and Getting the Good Sun, by Cristyn.

Thought you couldn’t make the jellied lemon goodness of lemon bars without gelatin?

You thought wrong, my friend.

The unseasonably warm weather we have been experiencing in Chicago has led me to the following conclusion: global warming is not so bad, when you only look at the short term, immediate effects (namely, that I am not cranky anymore because I am getting a suitable amount of Vitamin D). It also reminded me that I LOVE SUMMER. Love it so much, that if the temperature threatens to drop below 65 for more than a day or two in a row, I will probably spiral into a deep depression, mourning the delay of all the wonderful summertime activities I have been planning. What does summer mean to me you ask? Bike rides, beaches, picnics, festivals, swimming, climbing (OUTSIDE), shorts, skirts, NO SOCKS, sunglasses, flip flops, smoothies, long walks, open windows, ceiling fans on 24/7, cold salads, roof top reading, day drinking, listening to summer music (cue up Sublime and Minus the Bear), fireworks, and getting the good sun. My first summer in Chicago, my jobless roommate and I used to head out to the beach mid morning, just about every day, to “get the good sun.” This meant getting there before it got to crowded, and soaking up the sun prior to like 3 pm, when the rays were most direct and we could get the best tan. (I realize this might not have been the safest habit, but I wore sunscreen okay!?) I have since appropriated the phrase “gotta get the good sun” to mean taking advantage of things while you can. SO. In the spirit of enjoying the gift of summer in March, and riding this weather high before the Fates (or a cold front) take it away from me,  I decided to make lemon bars. Because lemon is a total summer flavor. It is so happy and yellow and in your face. It’s all “HEY, I’M YELLOW. I’M HAPPY AND YOU PROBABLY SHOULD BE TOO. HEY LOOK AT THE SUN, IT IS YELLOW TOO. WE ARE THE SAME COLOR, THAT’S NEAT.”

SO HERE’S THE INGREDIENTS (as taken from Veganomicon):

Crust:
1 3/4 C. AP Flour
2/3 C. Powdered Sugar
1/4 C. Cornstarch
1 C. Butter or Margarine (or… perhaps try using 3/4 C. as I did).

Lemon Goo Filling: 
1 1/3 C. Plain Old Water
3 TBL Agar Agar Flakes (See rant in disclaimer below).
1 1/4 C. Granulated Sugar (that means regular).
1/8 tsp Turmeric (or omit, like I did, if you don’t care how yellow your lemon barz are).
2/3 C. Lemon Juice
3 TBL Arrowroot Powder (or substitute more cornstarch, as I did)
+1 TBL Lemon Zest
1/4 C. Soy Milk

Now. While this recipe (and well virtually every lemon bar recipe in the world) calls for powdered sugar… I COULDN’T FIND ANY IN CHICAGO?! (Okay, so I actually only looked at two stores and then got annoyed and just came home). But, because I had this knowledge under my belt–POWDERED/CONFECTIONER’S SUGAR IS JUST NORMAL SUGAR GROUND UP FINER –I went all hardcore and made my own powdered sugar, no big deal. I just threw some granulated sugar into my little Cuisinart and ground it up into powder. Voila. I sure my neighbors appreciated me doing this at 11 pm.

Another part of this recipe that made me feel hardcore…JUICING THOSE LEMONS. I think it only took me about 3 lemons to get the 2/3 cup of lemon juice. But I absolutely dessicated these lemons. I squeezed the ever-living outta them. By the time I was done with them, they looked like Bunnicula had gotten to them. (This book was a LOT more frightening as a child.  Speaking of my childhood, I had this strange habit as a young’un. Way back when I was a shy, quiet little carnivore, my parents tried to feed me meat. I am told I would chew the daylights out of it and then spit it back on my plate once it was “dry as sawdust.” I am not sure exactly what this means, other than I was a freak as a kid, or why I thought it necessary to do this, but I felt like it had some relevance to the Bunnicula reference). ANYWAY(Z) if you do not want to hurt your fingers, you might just want to buy more lemons…or invest in some sort of a juicer as opposed to repeatedly cranking a rogue fork into the lemon’s pulp, narrowly missing your fingers with each twist. Also, it is probably not the best idea to make these the day after you tear up your hands doing some rock climbing in Wisconsin. Remember, lemon juice stings even the tiniest, invisible cuts. Please learn from my mistakes.

[DISCLAIMER]: Now, this recipe is not HARD per se. It is just a bit time consuming. But most of the time is just waiting for stuff to bake or cool/chill in the fridge. During which time you can do any number of things. For instance, you can pet your cat, water your plants, read a book, go for a walk (probably not while the oven is on), do a few cartwheels, check your mail, etc. I’ll let you figure it out. Also, it begs mentioning…these agar agar flakes. This is the sort of weird junk that gives vegan baking a bad rap. But if you are categorically opposed to gelatin, sometimes you have to use weird junk. I am not going to lie to you. Agar agar flakes WEIRDED ME OUT. I mean, they are described as a “sea vegetable,” a “seaweed gelatin substitute.” And frankly, they don’t smell great when you reconstitute them in water. Kind of salty, watery, briney. They smell even worse when they start boiling. When I was making these bars, I kept thinking “WHAT’S THE POINT, THEY ARE JUST GOING TO TASTE LIKE SUSHI.” BUT TRUST ME, THEY DID NOT. YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TASTE ANY AGAR AGAR WEIRDNESS IN THESE LEMON BARS. I WOULD NEVER LEAD YOU ASTRAY. The lemony goodness that you create completely masks any oceany flavors you might be afraid of. PROMISE.

OKAY. Let’s get back on track. Let’s make these lemon barz. We shall start with the crust. Grease a 9 x 13″ pan. Now, the actual recipe called for 1 CUP OF BUTTER. I decided to try using just 3/4 cup because the idea of using two whole sticks of butter made me a little queasy. Especially when I considered the fact that Lillian was out of town, and I would inevitably be eating this whole pan of barz myself. Just pulse all the crust ingredients together in your (mini) food processor (in batches) or cut it all together like you would pie crust. I was a little worried that the crust would end up being too crumbly and not be cuttable, or support the lemon goo. But it worked out fine! I just packed the crumbly crust mixture down into the pan really, really hard. Once you’ve got it all good and packed in your pan, pop it in your fridge for 30 minutes. THEN bake it for 25 minutes in a preheated 350 degree oven. I am not sure why you have to do this, but I did, and it worked, so let’s not mess with it.

While this is baking (and then cooling), you can make the lemon goo. Time to brave those agar agar flakes. (I feel like a joke is in order here…”the sea vegetable so nice, they named it twice?”). Mix them with the water in a medium saucepan. Let them sit at room temperature for about 15 minutes, until the flakes start to get gooey/rehydrate. I kept smelling them, thinking, maybe they will smell different after they soak a bit. Do not do this, you will psych yourself out. Just leave them alone.
Note: Don’t breathe this.

While they are soaking, maybe you can juice/zest your lemons. If you have a zester, kudos, use that. I just used my mini grater from World Market. It is cute and easy to clean. Mix the cornstarch in with the lemon juice.

After 15 minutes have passed and your nostrils are now filled with a pleasant lemony aroma, put the agar agar/water solution over medium-high heat and bring it to a boil for 10 minutes, until you can no longer see any flakey particles. Stir in the granulated sugar and stir to dissolve. The recipe also called for some turmeric at this point. I opted out. I am 99.9% sure this was just to add yellowy color to the barz. Since I was already a little freaked out by the agar agar flakes, I did not want to add a spice that I normally associate with savory curries to my (hopefully) sweet lemon barz. So I omitted this, and I do have to say, the pale yellow that the barz ended up being was quite pretty indeed. Anyway(z) after assessing the risk/benefit of adding turmeric, add the lemon juice/cornstarch mixture and stir. Then add the soy milk and the lemon zest. (It is safe to smell your lemon goo now). Whisk this over medium-low heat, until it starts to thicken, but try not to let it boil. I think it took mine about five minutes. Then pour it over your (cool-ish) crust. Tilt the pan to spread the goo around. Let this settle/cool for a few minutes and then pop it into the fridge until your goo settles up. Or as long as you think you can wait. I waited about an hour, then tentatively poked a spoon in, to try some…after realizing that they did not taste like seaweed, I helped myself to a few more spoonfuls. And then a few more.

Now. At this point you are probably thinking, “BUT WAIT. Lemon barz alllllways have powdered sugar sifted on top?!” Here’s where I tell you, “Not this time girlfriend.” Because I did not have any more homemade powdered sugar on hand (or store bought for that matter), and because I had a little extra time on my hands… I decided to make STRAWBERRY SLURRY. I don’t know if that is the real name for it. In my family, we (okay, actually I think it is just ME) call it ELIXIR. It is actually just strawberries sliced up and allowed to macerate (a fancy word for “soak” that will leave more immature crowds stifling giggles) with some sugar so it gets all sweet and syrupy. SO. Add some sort of topping if you want, or not, and call it a day. You still gotta go get the good sun.

FIN.

Caramel (Carmel???) Pink Sea Salt Cupcakes and AHA! Moments, by Cristyn.

Which is correct? Who knows, who cares… These caramel (?) pink sea salt cupcakes began as an excuse to use this pink Himalayan sea salt that I recently purchased, but they became SO MUCH MORE. Let me start at the beginning. I have basically been thinking about expanding my salt repertoire since i discovered there was more than just white salt out there about 5 years ago. Grey?! Black!? Hawaiian red?! And the pink stuff always looks soooo pretty. So I was treating myself to some new baking supplies (cooling racks!!! I now have three!!) and decided it was high time that I got on the fancy salt bandwagon. And I mean, the pink stuff was only like $3.99 at World Market, which, as a side note, is not a store to go to if you are trying to save money. There are so many cute decorations and things that you don’t really neeeeed, but really want. Like this. While I was losing hours of my life in this store, I had an AHA! moment… I encountered several other women seemingly doing the same thing I was–wandering around, picking up items, imagining them in your home, imagining how you would use them, justifying the price, the benefit, etc. Men do not do this. I do not think so, at least. I realized this was one of the quintessential differences between the sexes. Anyways, after this observation I decided to book it outta there before all the estrogen made me emotional or something.

For a split second we thought, "These look too pretty to eat!" But we got over that quickly...

Flash forward to 4 days later. I have found this recipe for Vegan Pink Salted Caramel Cupcakes that I want to try. I have time set aside to make them. I just need to go to Kinko’s and print off some pieces for my imminent—yet completely voluntary—portfolio review that has kind of been stressing me out. Piece of cake, right? WRONG. (Let me just say here… I am a bit of an overachiever. Months ago, I signed up for this portfolio review where I present my design work from the past 2 years, and three professors interrogate me and belittle any small faults in my craftsmanship. I imagine it going something like this. My logic was that it would be great to get as much feedback as I could). Without getting too into it, let’s just say things never go as planned at Kinko’s. Nothing ever prints the way I want it to and it is basically one of the most stressful places on the planet for me. Let’s just say it took every ounce of my being to not break down into tears while poking the touch screen at the self-serve kiosk. At this juncture, I realized something; had another AHA! moment, if you will. I did not HAVE to participate in this portfolio review. In fact, I do not HAVE to do anything I do not want to do (except maybe shower, pay taxes, and get to the airport an hour before a flight). So you know what I decided? I am not going to do it.* I am not going to willingly subject myself to ridicule and a week of sleepless stressful days and nights. Especially when it is GORGEOUS OUTSIDE. I already did that stressfest once. It was called all of senior year at U of M (GO BLUE). This decision brought immediate relief…followed by a nagging guilt. And I have found the best way to stave off illogical guilt is to just stay busy. So I started baking. And once I bit into this cupcake… all my problems disappeared. This brought my final AHA! moment… FOOD FIXES EVERYTHING. SO. NOW ONTO THE RECIPE.

While I was inspired by the aforementioned Vegan Pink Salted Caramel Cupcakes recipe, I made some adjustments. For example, I used a different cupcake base and made less frosting since the full recipe produces about 4 cups of the stuff and from experience, I know that that amount of frosting is highly gratuitous, even by my standards. Instead, I made the Sexy Low-Fat Vanilla Cupcakes from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World and halved the frosting recipe so that we could eat more of these with less guilt (YOU’RE WELCOME). Now when you are making these, you may want to listen to the lovely CocoRosie as I did. These ladies make me truly happy–they are crazy and absurd and eclectic and draw on their faces and are beautiful. Like these cupcakes. There is a lot going on. But is it too much? I don’t think so. The melding of sweet and salty is really something to write home about. Now I know there are a lot of ingredients…do not get overwhelmed!! They are totally manageable! But just remember, you do NOT HAVE TO MAKE THESE. You have a choice, you always have a choice! And making these is totally optional. However, I can guarantee that if you DO choose to go through with these, you will be glad you did.**

Three types of sugar?! Oh yes, that is correct.

LES INGREDIENTS

Cupcakes

1/2 cup soy yogurt (I just used one of the 6 oz. cups)

2/3 cup soy milk

1/4 cup apple sauce

3 tablespoons canola oil

3/4 cup sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 1/4 cup all-purpose flour

2 tablespoons cornstarch

3/4 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

Frosting

1/4 cup shortening

1/4 cup butter

2 cup powdered sugar

1 tablespoon soy milk

splash of vanilla

Caramel

1/2 cup soy milk

2/3 cup brown sugar

2 tablespoon cornstarch mixed with 1 TBL water

2 tablespoon pretend butter (the recipe calls for 1/4 C. of butter… I only used 2 TBL. See! I’m being healthy!)

splash of vanilla

OH. AND DON’T FORGET THE PINK SEA SALT.

So. Start with the cupcakes. Line a muffin tin with some pretty paper liners. Get a bowl, mix together all the wet ingredients and the sugar. Add in the dry. You can sift them together if you want to…. but honestly, why bother? I didn’t and mine turned out just fine. Pour the batter into the liners. Allegedly, you should fill them 2/3 of the way full. However, I filled mine 3/4 of the way full–okay who am I kidding, I am terrible at math, they were probably not exactly 3/4 of the way full. But they were PRETTY DAMN FULL. Like if I filled them any more, they probably would have bubbled over into the bottom of the oven, like the time I tried to make a coffee cake in a 9″ pie pan. I do not recommend trying this unless you want to clean coffee cake batter out of the bottom of your oven for hours. Anyway(s) rather than risk this, I just ate the rest of the batter. It was a good decision. Pop these in the oven for like 20 minutes, until they pass the fork-knife-toothpick test. When they are done, transfer them to THE BRAND NEW COOLING RACK THAT YOU JUST BOUGHT AT WORLD MARKET.

I thought filling the cupcakes so full might result in super big, moundy cupcakes. But I was wrong.

While these are cooking, work on the frosting. Cream together the shortening and the butter. Add the powdered sugar and the liquids in batches. Mix the crap out of this. The longer you mix it, the fluffier your frosting will be. Now. I have only made frosting with an electric mixer. You could probably make it by hand if you had like bionic arms, but it would probably still not be as smooth. If you don’t have an electric mixer, OR bionic arms, you could always just get a can of frosting. (GUESS WHAT? DUNCAN HINES FROSTING IS VEGAN). While the cupcakes are baking, you might even have time to make the caramel sauce. (Look at this! We are multi-tasking! It is one of my greatest skills—it’s even on my resume). Mix together the brown sugar and the milk in a sauce pan. Cook it until it starts to thicken. The recipe says 10-12 minutes, but that seemed like an eternity. I just waited until mine bubbled, then I got scared it would burn like my last batch of car(a)mels. Cook it as long as you dare… then add the cornstarch that you already mixed with the water. Cook it just a little more! It will bubble and thicken more! Then turn off the burner and add the butter and vanilla and stir until it is melted/combined. Let this sit and cool while you frost the cupcakes.

Look at that new cooling rack, eh?!

How do you frost the cupcakes, you ask? Well, if you are a fancy French pastry chef, you probably have a pastry bag with all kinds of cool nozzles that make stars and leaves and roses. But if you are like me, you will just scoop your frosting into a plastic baggie and snip one corner off, thus creating a poor man’s pastry bag.

Make the snipped hole kind of large... at least nickel-sized. And DO NOT squeeze too hard or else you bag miiiiiight burst and you will have frosting EVERYWHERE. I might be speaking from experience.

And the best part? You don’t have to clean it when you are done. You can just lick the frosting that inevitably squished all over the bag and your hands, and then throw it away! Or, I suppose you could use a knife and frost them that way. Now. Has your car(a)mel sauce cooled and become a little thicker, but still totally pourable? Good! Take a spoon and drizzle some on top of each cupcake. Unless you want to be cleaning car(a)mel off your counter for days (well I guess it would just take one day, I just still haven’t gotten around to that yet) I recommend putting paper towels, wax paper, or SOMETHING under your cupcakes before you do this. FINALLY. Take a pinch of that pretty pink salt and sprinkle it over each cupcake. Congratulations. You just made some FANCY-ASS cupcakes. You should probably treat yourself to one. Or two or three. Remember, they are low-fat!

*Update: THIS WAS A GREAT DECISION. Kinko’s called me the next day to tell me they lost ALL of my files. That is A-L-L of them. All 10.

**I took these to the climbing wall to share with my climbing friends. The response was overwhelmingly positive. Invariably, I was asked, “WHAT DID YOU PUT IN THESE???” So. If you want to be popular with your friends. Make these and share them.

It’s Treat Yo Self Sunday!

But the Chicago Diner hasn’t been treating our wallets very well. So treat yo self at home!

  

Oh hey ewe didn’t think we treated ourselves to vegetables, did ewe?

Wafflez, ice cream, and homemade carmel.